How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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