please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
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