??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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