Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
