She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
