oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
