Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
