Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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