You don't have asthma, your pregnant
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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