Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
