Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
