She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
