Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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