Pappa wants mamma naked
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
