so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
