It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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