i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
