More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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