I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
