how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
