They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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