Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
