a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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