Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
