just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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