jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
