I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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