Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
