I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
