We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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