We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
