my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
