she woke up with a sticky ear
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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