I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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