4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
