Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
