I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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