We named our party play list daddy issues
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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