She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
