the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
