i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
