All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
