We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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