I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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