Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
