It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
