You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
