i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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