I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
