I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
