I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
