I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
