i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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