i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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