My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I understand Curling. That high.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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