I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
They have beer where we have blood.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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