By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
someone threw a dead crab at me
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
