i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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