dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
