we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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