you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
