Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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