there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
do herpes really smell.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
