yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Boobs speak an international language.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
