I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
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This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
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It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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