Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
