I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
